This is part of one of doing IVF (invitro-fertilization). It is a scary and emotional thing to go through but thanks to modern technology there are so many women who are now able to have children that wouldn't have been able to decades ago. I ended up having to do two rounds in order to get pregnant and so here is my story of doing the first round. I hope it gives others a glimpse of what it is like to go through from a personal viewpoint verse a medical one.
-First part of October 2016-
I think that Nate and I have known that invitro-fertilization may be a road that we would have to take. The thought
of it has been in the back of our minds for quite awhile but we had to be
ready. We have been saving money for years and we are both very thrifty. The
last few months have been hard since my period has been extremely late- like
weeks late. My hopes would get up because it was so late. I have always been
hesitant to take pregnancy tests because I have had so many negative ones and
seeing the negative is really hard to deal with. My periods were so late that I
even got to the point that I took a few pregnancy tests but I never got a positive
and my period would eventually come. I think my body just got used to being on Clomid and
wasn’t doing the job that it was suppose to. It doesn’t help either that I only
have one working fallopian tube. I knew that insurance would not cover anything
fertility related so we had to be ready financially and also I knew going
through in-vitro would take a lot mentally and physically along with
financially. It took me time but then after my period came after it being
extremely late I decided that it was time to see a fertility specialist.
My doctor
suggested a place (SRM- Seattle Reproductive Medicine) and we made the appointment. It was nerve-wrecking, scary,
exciting, and all other emotions you could possibly feel. The first appointment was overwhelming but it
was good to see things moving forward. It was good to talk about the different
options and the doctor I am seeing has gone through in-vitro herself so she
knows exactly what it is like. It was extremely difficult seeing how much everything costs.
You know it costs a lot but seeing it on paper and finding out you owe a little
over 13 thousand dollars all at once before anything really starts is scary and
overwhelming. (In reality it costs even more than this since you pay for the
pre-evaluation things before the suppression check, plus really expensive
medication, and then the blood draws and ultrasounds after the embryo transfer
to see if it works).
We took a while to think over things. Nate and I both got
great priesthood blessings from Dale and we went to the temple. We feel at
peace with it all and feel like we have to have the faith and just trust God
that everything will work out. There is always that doubt in the back of my head though that thinks about spending all the money and there is a chance that
it won’t work. I try to stay positive and have hope. I am also terrified of all
the things that is required to just get to the point of getting a baby put into
me. I am horrible with needles and thinking of having to give myself a shot
makes me want to pass out. Every time I go to the doctor for a blood draw I
usually lie down in case I get dizzy and so needles and I just don’t go well. So I can’t imagine having to do it myself and watching the needle going in me and
me having to control it. I know that it
is all a mental thing but thinking about it is terrifying. I also don’t know
how having all those hormones in me will affect me or if I will turn into a
horrible person when I am on the hormones. I also have overwhelming guilt about
the whole thing. I feel guilty that we have to spend all this money just
because I can’t conceive a baby the normal way. I feel so horrible that it is
my fault that we can’t have more children. I have A LOT of guilt about it all! I
know that it is my trial to go through but it doesn’t make it any easier. I am
so grateful that Nate sticks with me and handles all my crazy emotions and
feelings. There are so many things that scare me but I have to look at the
possibility of having one or more babies in my arms at the end of all of this.
Nate and I both got blood work done this past week which was
something we needed to get done to start off everything. I found out that I am
not immune to chicken pox which is kind of scary. So I had to make the decision
whether to wait two months to get the immunization or to sign a waiver saying I
know the risks. It was hard to think of something else and not knowing if I
just didn’t want to wait because I wanted to start the process as soon as
possible. But after talking to the nurse, reading information online, and lots
of praying I feel that it is okay to sign the waiver. This past weekend I
started taking birth control which is the first step of the whole process. The birth control is for making everything in
your body (hormones, developing eggs, etc) to be calm and at a suppressed
state. I feel great that we are starting things and even though I am scared
because of the unknown I know I can do it because I can do hard things and I
have the love and support of so many family and friends.
-October 11, 2016-
The next step for me was getting an ultrasound and another
test that is called an HSG. In the ultrasound they look at my ovaries and were
counting the eggs that I had in each one. I had 12 in one and 13 in another.
She said that is a good number which is great. She said that it looked like I
did have some polyps on my uterus though but the HSG test would confirm this.
Then I went to another room and had the HSG test done. That was not the most
fun thing to have done but I got through it. First they put the speculum thing
in that they use for Pap smears. Then they numb you a little and put a catheter
through and do a mock run of what it would be like when they transfer the embryo to make sure that everything would go smooth when that time comes. Then the HSG
test is they send dye through the whole reproductive system to see the flow of
everything using x-rays every so often to see it. I found out that both tubes
got dye to go through them which is good but it took much longer for the dye to
go through either tube especially the one that I thought was blocked. This
means that to get pregnant the normal way I am at a very high risk of having an
ectopic pregnancy since the tubes are not very good on either side. The doctor
also confirmed that there were indeed quite a few polyps on my uterus and a
couple were pretty good size. In order to move on with the IVF process I had to
have surgery to get them removed. They want the lining of the uterus to be nice
and smooth to increase your chance of an embryo attaching to the uterine wall. For
me it is disappointing that there is another delay in the process and I have to
go through this before starting the process. It just sometimes feels like there
is always something in the way of getting to the end goal of being pregnant. Also
this is an extra cost if I go through the fertility doctor so now since this
isn’t necessarily a thing done for fertility I have to schedule an appointment
with my OBGYN so that they can do the surgery and insurance will cover it.
-October 17, 2016-
I was calling my OBGYN to set up an appointment to talk
about doing the surgery and I found out that Dr. Bigler is retiring. It made me
so sad that I even cried. I absolutely love Dr. Bigler and I knew that
retirement was in the near future for him but I was hoping to have him deliver one
more baby. He has gone through this whole process with me and was always so
positive and caring and so optimistic. Sometimes I feel in this process that nothing seems to be
going my way. So I had to schedule an appointment with a new OBGYN which was so
hard knowing it wouldn’t be Dr. Bigler.
-October 18, 2016-
Ever since I had my HSG test done it has been uncomfortable
to go to the bathroom. At first I thought it was an effect from the test and
wanted to give it a couple of days to see if it would go away. But it just got
worse and worse. It got even more uncomfortable and got to the point it just
made me feel horrible. I also feel bad because it just seems like there is
always something and every time after I have any procedure done there is always
some kind of glitch that happens afterwards. I went into urgent care and got on
some medication for a bladder infection. The medication helped so much and I am
grateful for modern medication. I was even able to swallow the antibiotic which
was a major accomplishment for me because the pill was quite large for me and I
have always had a hard time swallowing pills.
-October 21, 2016-
Today was our appointment with our fertility doctor (Dr.
Barker). This appointment was our consultation appointment which was just
talking over the whole process and the different things that we had to sign and
make sure we understood. Some of the things talked about were exactly how the
process happens, how exactly to fertilize the egg because there are two
processes, storage of extra embryos, how many eggs to put in, and the different
pros and cons of each step in the process. It was very informative and a lot of
the decisions may be changed depending on how my body reacts to everything but
it is good to know all the options.
-October 27, 2016-
This day was my injection class. They talk you through all
the different injections that you have to take and they have you do the whole
process and set the needles up and inject them into this little foam block. It
is kind of intimidating and a lot of information. The good thing is that they
have these videos that you can watch online to see the whole process in case
you forget anything. I really don’t know if I am going to be able to give
myself injections but that is something I will worry about when the time comes.
All my medications for this round of IVF.
-October 28, 2016-
Today the person that sets up surgeries for my OBGYN called
me today to tell me when I can get my surgery done to remove the polyps on my
uterus. The earliest they could do it was December 6th. That seems
so far away and I let them know that if there was a cancellation that they
could call me. After I got off the phone I cried. It just seems like everything
was being pushed back and it was so disappointing. About an hour later I went
to the store to pick up my prescription and looked at my phone and saw that I
had missed a phone call from the same number that called about the surgery. I
thought it was strange that they called but didn’t leave a message. So I called
back and it took awhile for me to get to the right person but she said that she
had been looking at the calendar and someone had cancelled so I could do the surgery Monday. I immediately said yes
and I was so happy that we can get things moving quicker than I originally
thought was possible. I had to change plans around and drive to Auburn to pick up all the
paperwork for the surgery. I am very excited to get this process going! It is
still overwhelming to think about with everything that I will have to do but I
just need to go forward with faith and have courage that everything will work
out and that I can do everything required of me. It is a little sad that I will
miss out on trick or treating with Paige since my surgery is on Halloween but
it is worth it so I don’t have to wait all the way until December.
-October 31, 2016-
Today was the big day for surgery and getting the polyps
removed from my uterus. I got Paige off to preschool and then Nate and I headed
to the hospital and got there about 10 and the surgery was scheduled for noon.
The first part is doing all the prep work of getting asked a lot of questions
and getting an IV and some blood drawn. They had to do a little bit more prep
work since I didn’t have a pre-op appointment with the cancellation. Then we
had to wait for quite awhile for the doctor to be ready and the operating room
ready for me. They wheeled me back to the operating room and they told me they
were giving me some medication to help me relax and that is the last thing I
remember so I must have fallen asleep pretty quick. The surgery was only max a
half hour but it always takes me awhile to wake up from anesthesia. I was
pretty groggy but felt pretty good. After a few hours I was finally at the
point of being able to get up and see if I could walk around and go to the
bathroom. Last time I had surgery I almost passed out doing this which meant I
had to stay longer so I was really trying to make sure I didn’t have to do that
again and was careful at getting up. It went really well and recovery has been
pretty good. There has been a little bit of cramping and being tired but I feel
pretty good and I think this recovery will be much better than other surgeries
that I have had.
Pre-Surgery
The sweetest note from Paige when I got home from the hospital.
-November 2, 2016-
Today I got a call from my OBGYN to check on me and see how
I was doing. Yesterday I felt pretty good for being just a day after surgery.
It was kind of up and down how I felt. I think I would start feeling good and
probably push myself a little too much which would then lead to not feeling
very good. Then today I have felt even better and the doctor called and said
that they removed three polyps and other than that the uterus looked really
good. All the polyps were benign which is also good news. I have my suppression
check ultrasound next Tuesday which will be the start of the process. We got
all the pre stuff done and now it is time. I am excited, scared, and nervous. I
just have to continue to go forward with faith.
-November 8, 2016-
Today was my suppression check ultrasound. They want to make sure everything is at a suppressed level before starting the injections. During the
ultrasound she measured my uterine lining and also she looked at
my ovaries to make sure all the eggs/follicles were small and how many were in each
ovary. All the follicles were small which is great news and there were 12 eggs
in one ovary and 13 in the other. She said that a good range is between 8 and
10 so I am doing great. Everything checked out great so no more delays. Yay!
And now I get to start injections on Saturday and get everything started. It is
exciting but also scary because of all the unknown. Next week will be a busy
week with blood draws and ultrasounds to see how my body is reacting to the
medications.
My personalized IVF calendar with all my appointments and things I need to do. I added to it as needed to help me remember things and would cross off days as a countdown to the end.
-November 12, 2016-
Today is the start of doing the injections. I have to give
myself two injections every night- they are called Gonal-F and Menopur. They
are both medications to stimulate the follicles and make them grow and develop.
I have to give them to myself every night between 7 and 9 pm. This first day
the closer it got to 7 pm the more nervous and scared I got. I wasn’t sure if I
was going to be able to do it and I knew that Nate wouldn’t be able to give
them to me. We are both bad with needles and he is worse than I am. Anna said
that she would be willing to give me the shots if needed. So I started at 7 and
if I couldn’t do it by 8:30 then I would have Anna do it. I started with the
Gonal-F. I got it all ready and sat on the bed to give myself the shot in case
I passed out then I could be on something soft. My hands were shaking so badly
but I did it! It wasn’t really that bad. I knew it would be all a mental thing.
Then I did the Menopur and I got it all ready and then for this one it is a lot
harder to push the medication in and it stings really badly. It was not fun at
all but I got through night one of injections and only a little over a week to
go.
Yes I was absolutely terrified!
Getting the right dosage
Scared out of my mind and I made Nate and Paige leave the room and had to mentally give myself a pep talk before sticking myself with the first needle.
-November 14, 2016-
This morning I had an early appointment to get my blood
drawn. It was a quick appointment since all I had to do was get my blood drawn.
They are checking to see if my body is reacting to the injections and if the
numbers are good to see whether to keep everything the same or increase or
decrease the dosage of medication. Later in the afternoon I got the call that
everything looked great and I need to just keep doing what I have been doing
with the medications. This night was my third night giving myself injections.
It is not quite as scary but every night I still have this fear of not wanting
to do it because I know especially that the Menopur hurts but I also know that
I don’t have a choice and just have to be brave and power through it all.
Tonight my injections were really hard. For some reason tonight I really didn’t
want to go through all the hurt and the Menopur injection hurt really bad that it brought me to tears. It was so sweet though with Paige. She is
absolutely intrigued with me giving myself shots. She watches it all and once I
am done she gets me a warm rag to put on my stomach to make it feel better.
Tonight when she saw that I was crying she hurried and went and made me a
little note with hearts on it and then for the next shot I knew it wouldn’t
hurt as bad but Paige sat right next to me with a stuffed animal to comfort me
and put her arm around me as I gave myself the second injection for the night.
It was so incredibly sweet and I am glad I have my little nurse to help me out
each night.
My little nurse helping me get through my shots for the evening.
Two of the notes that Paige made for me through the week when I would have a hard night of poking myself.
-November 16, 2016-
Today was another blood draw and also an ultrasound. It is
very quick and simple. They were looking at my uterine lining and measuring it
and also measuring the size of my follicles. There was about 12 eggs in one
ovary and 13 in the other and the follicle size was about an 8 for the average.
Everything is going well and I just continue what I am doing and start a third
injection that is in the morning on Friday which will mean three injections
daily for a few days.
-November 19, 2016-
Today was another blood draw and ultrasound. The same as my
last visit but there are now 17 eggs in one ovary and 18 in the other. They
said this is a high number but makes sense for my age. The follicle size is
averaging a 12. Everything is developing on the slow side which is good. Some
people go fast and others go slow and I am one that develops slower. I just
need to keep what I am doing. The egg retrieval will most likely be on
Thanksgiving but I will have another blood draw and ultrasound next Tuesday to
see for sure. For the egg retrieval they want your follicle size to be 18 to
20.
-November 22, 2016-
Today was my last blood draw and ultrasound before the egg
retrieval. They measured the follicle sizes and I had two that were at 18 and
about 4 or 5 at 16 and lots that measured 14 and 15. They didn’t know if they
would want me to do another full day of injections or if today would be the
night that I give myself the final injection that is the HCG trigger which is
given exactly 36 hours before egg retrieval. If this is what needed to be done
then my egg retrieval would be on Thanksgiving and if they wanted me to wait a
day then it would be on Friday. I waited until the afternoon for the call and
they said it was a go for doing the HCG injection tonight and my egg retrieval
would be at 8 in the morning on Thursday. For this injection I knew
that I would not be able to do it myself since this one was in my bum. Anna
said she was willing so she came over a little early since it had to be given
at 8. We watched the video of how to do it together and Anna freaked out. Her
face was priceless and pretty entertaining and she knew she couldn’t do it. By
this time it was a quarter to 8 and I knew I needed to find someone quick so I
got this important injection done in time. I called Cristie Carter who has been
a huge help through this whole process. She has done this process multiple
times and I have asked her lots of questions and she said she was willing to
give me my injections if I needed her. I called her and she happened to be a
block away from our apartment. This was such a blessing. She quickly came over
and was so calm and gave me the injection right on time. This one wasn’t bad at
all but it did make my bum feel weird and made me feel kind of sore. I am so
glad that all the injections are done with!
-November 24, 2016-
Happy Thanksgiving! I missed Paige doing trick or treating
this year for IVF and now my Thanksgiving will be pretty interesting too. It
will all be worth it if I am pregnant at the end of this. Paige stayed the
night at Nona and Papa’s since we had to leave at 6:15 in the morning to get to
Seattle by
7:15. I am so grateful for family that is close by that has been so willing to
help me out in this whole process. Yesterday I took a pregnancy test in the
morning to see if the HCG was properly absorbed into my body and it did give me
a little bit of anxiety. I have had too many negative pregnancy tests in the
past and I didn’t want to have more issues and delays. Thank goodness it was
positive even though it was faint at first which worried me and I asked Nate
for his opinion. Also yesterday and this morning I have not felt well at all.
With my ovaries being so stimulated it has made me extremely uncomfortable.
When I was sitting in the waiting room waiting to go back it was so
uncomfortable and I was at the point of tears. I finally got to go back and
they set me all up and had me sign some paperwork. Then the nurse gave me some
numbing shots which hurt a lot worse than any IV I have ever had. I was glad
when that was over and the IV was in. I then walked back to the operating room
and got settled and went to sleep. I guess the procedure only took about 15 to
20 minutes to do but it took me awhile to wake up from anesthesia. It usually
always takes me awhile whenever I go under and I am really groggy for the rest
of the day and today was no different. Nate said when I first came out that I
told him to text all my family “happy franksfiving from the crazy one” so I
guess I wasn’t all there for awhile. J I finally got to the
point that I could eat some crackers and take some pain medication and was able
to go. They had some problems finding a pharmacy that was open to fill my
prescription for the pain medications since it was Thanksgiving. Nate thought it would be best to take it
to the hospital in Renton
that we have been to before and we knew it would be open. So Nate got the
prescription and we headed on our way. We left there about 9:30 so it was a
pretty quick process. We got to the hospital and Nate was in there for awhile and
when he finally came out and said that the prescription we got didn’t have the
right information. Also since it was a pain medication they couldn’t just get
the information faxed so we had to drive back up to Seattle to get what we
needed in person. By this time traffic was a lot worse and it took us quite awhile to get back. There was a lot of stop and go and it made me so sick. Nate
went in to get the right prescription and by this time I was so sick and ended
up throwing up in the parking lot. We then headed back to the hospital and Nate
again was in there for quite awhile and he came back out to get his phone and
said we still didn’t have all the right information and the only phone number we had wasn’t a direct line so it was hard to get a hold of them. The hospital
pharmacy was waiting for them to call back and after a long time Nate finally
was able to get the prescription. It was a lot of waiting and I was so sick to
my stomach. We finally got back to out apartment at about 1:30 and I grabbed a
banana since I needed something in my stomach to hopefully make me not so
nauseous. We were heading to Dale and Margaret’s house for Thanksgiving and to
see Paige and we had to pull over on their street so I could throw up again.
The rest of the evening I rested a lot. It was so nice to just have
Thanksgiving at their house with just us. It was so wonderful that I could rest
but still enjoy the holiday and the food.
Egg retrieval pictures
-November 25-
Today I was pretty sore and bloated and uncomfortable. I
relaxed the entire day and waited for the call for the update. I finally got
the call about 5:30 in the evening and they were able to take out 32 eggs and
of them 28 were mature enough to try and fertilize and 19 of them fertilized.
So the next few days it will naturally go down but we will keep up hope that
the numbers will be good.
-November 26-
I am still pretty bloated and uncomfortable but I know that
I can get through this. I just hope that the symptoms I am having are normal. I
have had so many weird and random things happen when I have surgery that it always scares me a little that something I am experiencing isn’t normal and
could lead to something worse. I just have to continue taking it easy and
listen to my body. This morning I also started the progesterone suppository.
This was pretty scary for me also just because I didn’t know what it would be
like but it went pretty well but doing it for 10 more weeks seems like a lot
but if it keeps a baby inside of me then I am more than willing to do it. The
update for today was more about the grade level for each of the eggs. 9 of them
were graded good, 7 were fair, and 3 were poor. So hopefully the good ones will
continue to grow like they should and I will do a day 5 transfer which means
Tuesday will be the day when some babies will be put back inside of me and
hopefully stick.
-November 29-
Today was the day of the egg transfer. It is all kind of
surreal. They took Nate and I back to a small room that is just like any other
examine room. I got all undressed and ready and first a lab person came in and
gave me a picture of one of the embryos that they were going to put in me and
she thought that I was only putting one egg back in but Nate and I decided to
put two eggs in. She looked kind of confused and that concerned me and kind of
had me questioning my decision like it was a bad thing. But she went back to
get another embryo ready and a doctor and nurse came in to prep and get
everything ready. They first did an ultrasound to make sure that my bladder was
full enough. I felt like it was super full and that I was going to pee my pants
but they said it was perfect and had to wait a little bit longer to get it even
more full. The doctor then talked to me about putting two embryos in and she
made me feel so much better about my decision. She just wanted to be sure I
realized that two babies is a lot harder than one. Nate and I had already
talked about this and felt that two is the right number to try and hopefully
increase my chances of having at least one. They then got me all ready and
propped my legs up in the stirrups and inserted everything. Then they opened a
curtain and the room is connected to the lab and so you get to see the
technician doing her part as you are watching it all on a screen. It was really
interesting to watch. You could see the little embryos and then see this tube
come into view on the screen and it sucks up the two eggs and once they are set
it is given to the doctor and she inserted them into me. Then it is given back
to the technician to make sure that the eggs did in fact get inside me and didn't get stuck in the tube. This is
all done through ultrasound so they can kind of see what they are doing and the
exact place that they are putting the embryos. It was pretty quick and then they
left and I hurried and went to the bathroom and got to lie down for about 5
minutes before heading home. The next couple days were rest days and also a
long 10 day wait to find out if the embryos stuck or not.
One of the two 5 day old embryos
-December 9-12-
On the 9th is when I went in for my first blood
draw. I had felt so good but then the day before the blood draw I started
getting all the signs that my period was coming and it scared me so bad and I
also stared spotting which made me so emotional and scared. I went in for the
blood draw and just started crying there. The nurses told me that spotting
could be a good sign and not to worry about it until I got the results but I
was so scared and I had a really bad feeling about it. That afternoon I got the
long awaited phone call but it wasn’t the best news. They are testing your HCG
levels which is the pregnancy hormone. Anything above a 5 is positive but they
like the number to be above 50 by this time in the pregnancy. My number was 15
so they told me to cautiously optimistic. I was really emotional that day. I
just felt something was wrong even though everyone told me that it could still
work and be positive. I felt so guilty that we had spent all this money and it
wasn’t going to work. They had me wait a day and then go in for another blood
draw to see if my HCG levels would double like they were suppose to. So I got
another blood draw and it doubled to 60 but they were still a little bit worried
since by now I was full on period bleeding but I had to again wait a day and
then go in for another blood draw. By this time I was sure that I was
miscarrying and that it didn’t work since I was bleeding so much. I had kind
of come to terms with the fact that it didn’t work but then my numbers doubled
so I really didn’t know what to think and just had to wait some more for the
next blood draw. I went in again for another blood draw and this time my
numbers dropped which meant it for sure did not work. It was a very long, drawn
out process to get to this point. After the first blood draw I was really
emotional and cried a lot and so by the time the third blood draw came around I
didn’t have very many tears left but it was so hard telling everyone and I felt
so horrible and guilty. In my mind I was so frustrated with life and with God.
I thought I had done all that I could to do my part but it still didn’t work. I
didn’t know what I was doing wrong and felt so bad. I felt like a horrible
wife. How could Nate want to be married to someone who couldn’t give him more
children and it was all my fault for having to spend all that money for
nothing. Nate was so caring and wonderful for these few days. He assured me
that it wasn’t for nothing since we still have 5 frozen embryos. I was kind of
numb but scheduled a follow-up appointment with Dr. Barker to talk about
everything.
-December 13-
Nate and I met with Dr. Barker. She was very sympathetic and
I was glad that I was able to keep it together and tried to stay hopeful and
positive. Dr. Barker explained that with some patients she is able to point
exactly what went wrong with a cycle and why it didn’t work but with me
everything was perfect. All my numbers and how I was reacting to all the
medications was ideal and there was no reasons for why it didn’t work. That is
hard to hear but she was very positive and explained what is next. We are going
to do a frozen embryo transfer which costs a lot less and it is not nearly as
invasive as a fresh one. So we will get through the holidays and wait through
this cycle and once my next cycle starts we will start the next process and
have lots of hope and faith that it will work out.
(Next: Second round of IVF and finding out it actually worked!)
