1st & 2nd Trimesters

 My last post about my journey, I ended with FINALLY having the best news and I wanted to post about the last 2 trimesters. It is crazy that I'm already into my last trimester and that I will get to hold this little one in a few short months. So here's the first 2 trimester journal entries starting with the blood draw following my initial blood draw to make sure my HCG levels doubled like they should.

October 22^nd- I got my blood draw in the afternoon today and they are checking my HCG levels and my thyroid. Since it was Friday afternoon, I am not getting my result until Monday which is a little bit stressful since I am running low on some medication. I don’t want to order more medication in case something goes wrong and I wanted to know my results right away. Waiting is definitely part of this process but it is so hard.

 October 25^th- I got my results early in the afternoon and my HCG level is at 577 which is amazing news. I needed more progesterone in oil that night though so getting it was stressful. First, I called the pharmacy that I have been doing this with for the past and I was on hold for an hour and not getting anywhere. By this time the stress of it all was getting to me and I was in tears. These medications are vital especially in early pregnancy. I called my nurse and wasn’t able to get a hold of her so I sent her a portal message but I wasn’t sure if I would get in contact with her in time. I decided to call her back again and thankfully she answered and they use a second pharmacy that is based in Bellevue so she said they may be able to deliver it to me same day but if not I could drive there and pick it up. I am so grateful for my nurse and all that she has done for me over the past few years. I got a hold of this pharmacy right away and they were able to deliver it to me. I was very happy to get that box and I will be sticking with this pharmacy for this pregnancy. It's so much easier with them being closer to me and they were so much easier to work with.

November 5^th- Today is baby’s first ultrasound. I’m a little over 6 weeks and they wanted me to come in between 6 weeks and 7 weeks since I have tubal issues and they want to be sure the baby or babies are in the right spot. There is a slight chance they can implant in my tubes and they want to catch that early on. So of course I was a little nervous but as soon as I saw the image I could see that little heartbeat and I felt so relieved. Only 1 of the embryos stuck and the ultrasound tech took her time in making sure that the other one didn’t implant somewhere else. I love seeing that little heartbeat. It was a little disappointing that both of them didn’t stick. I was really hoping for twins and that way I knew for sure that I would be done having kids and done with IVF forever. I am extremely grateful for that little baby that did stick and for this miracle in our lives. I really can’t believe this round actually worked.

Doesn't look much like a baby which makes it even more incredible that the heart is already beating and that I can see it beating on an ultrasound.

November 17^th- Today I am 8 weeks pregnant. It has been fun on every Wednesday reading how big the baby is on Baby Center with Paige. She likes to know the comparison and this week it is the size of a kidney bean. This pregnancy has been very different than my other two which is kind of weird and hard for me mentally. I really don’t feel pregnant which makes me question whether I actually am. I haven’t really had any morning sickness except maybe a handful of times feeling like I’m going to throw up. The biggest thing right now is stomach issues. I almost always have a slight stomach ache. Nothing really bad but just noticeable. It is worse right before I eat and I am hungry and then after eating when my stomach is digesting. I have had some diarrhea and it feels like I am constipated though I am not. I have been extra tired and I do have to pee a lot. I will continue taking the Estrace 3 times a day until I am 10 weeks pregnant along with a baby aspirin once a day for I don’t know how long. The Endometrium vaginal insert 2 times a day and the Progesterone in Oil shot once a day and I will continue these until I am 13 weeks pregnant. I have to get a new OBGYN again for this time and I contacted them to set up an appointment and it isn’t until mid December when I am about 12 weeks along. It will be a long wait until I get to see the baby again which is a little stressful but throughout this entire process the one thought that keeps popping into my head is trust the process. I read this post on Instagram and when I read it, it really hit home especially for this time around.

 “I’ve been struggling so hard with this pregnancy journey. Pregnancy after loss has that effect on us. it takes all our past trauma and lays it bare before us.

I worry about everything, even things I teach other moms not to worry about.

Every food I put in my mouth. What’s in the air I breathe. Symptoms. Lack of symptoms. Planning. Fear of planning. Superstition.

Pregnancy after loss is a terrifying, concrete reminder that so much is out of our control. We desperately want control, trust, hope. We want to know things will be different this time.

But our minds have been programmed for trauma, and we often find ourselves expecting the worse. Even when the worst defies all the odds, we assume it will be our reality.

After all, when you’ve been on the wrong side of statistics too many times, it’s easy to believe you always will be.

Please, mama, take a deep breath, and repeat after me.

This is a different pregnancy. It’s a different story. It’s a different ending.

We can’t control what that ending looks like, or how the process flows, anymore than we can control who that baby is that we’re so desperate to carry healthily.

But no matter what, it’s not the same as before. Just like each person is unique, each pregnancy is unique. And what you’re going through right now, mama- it’s once in a lifetime.

Lean in where you can. You deserve it. We all do.”

 December 15^th- I am 12 weeks today and have my first appointment with my OBGYN. I finished taking Estrace at 10 weeks and about 10 days after that my body had to adjust of having not as much estrogen in me which was really bad headaches almost every day. It was not fun. 

My daily check marks in a visible place to make sure I took the Estrace. I'm so grateful to not have to think about this anymore- 3 times a day is a lot.

A couple of days before my appointment, I had a little meltdown. I’m just so worried about getting bad news or that something is wrong with the baby or they won’t be able to find a heartbeat. I have had only bad news for the last few yeas and so accepting this good news in my life is different and has brought so much worry and fear along with it. I just want everything to be okay and I want a healthy baby at the end of this. I chose to go to Dr. Zomer in Auburn and truly the main reason I want to go back to Auburn is so that I can have Tanya be my ultrasound technician. I wasn’t even sure if she was still there but had high hopes that she would be. My ultrasound was first and sure enough Tanya is still here. It was so good to see her and talk with her. She is so understanding about my fears and about the process I have gone through to get to this point. I felt like I was holding my breath until I got to see that baby and thank goodness as soon as she put the ultrasound wand on my belly I could see our little baby wiggling around so I knew it was alive and well. It was so sweet seeing its little arms go above its head and then back down and just seeing it wiggle around inside of me. I really wish I could feel it and am excited to get to that point because that feeling will be reassuring to me. I just felt so much joy and happiness while watching the ultrasound. It was so nice to hear the heartbeat and everything looks great. My visit with the doctor was super quick but she was very reassuring if I need anything or feel that I need to hear the heartbeat sooner than what I have appointments for to just schedule it so that I have peace of mind.

A couple of days after my ultrasound, we had a family Christmas party over Zoom for my side of the family and I decided to tell my family then. Everyone was busy doing something and I decided to just hold up the ultrasound picture and see who would see it first and I loved watching everyone's reactions. Erika noticed first and she was excited which made everyone else look. I loved seeing all their excitement and joy for us. Nate's siblings all kind of found out at different times but it has always been so amazing to see their reactions and their love for us.

December 22^nd- Last day of shots!!! Hurray! The shots really haven’t been too bad this time around but I do constantly have sore areas from it. I’m extremely grateful for the medications that have allowed me to become and stay pregnant but I’m ready to be done with them and so happy that I have gotten to this point.

Baylor loved to help me with my shots. She would get things ready for me and then check to see if there was blood.

Most of the time there isn't much blood, maybe a drop or two but one of my last shots I hit something for the first time and boy did it bleed. There were drops on the ground and on my pants. Then the picture of the right is my last and final shot- SO happy to be done with them!

January 25, 2022- Today was my next doctor’s appointment. I really don’t like having to wait 6 weeks between appointments. It is not good for my mental health and the fear and worry gets worse right before the appointment. I did talk to my doctor about it today and she was completely fine with the appointments being closer to 4 weeks and that I may just have to remind her. The worse symptoms I have had the last 6 weeks has been lower back pain, just sore and it is worse in the evening especially when I’m trying to fall asleep and get comfortable. The past week I have had some dull pain on the sides of my belly and just below my belly button. I asked the doctor about it and she said it is ligament and muscles moving with the growing belly and it being my third pregnancy it is a little harder on my body. She gave some good suggestions and I will try some of them out. The past week has been a little rough emotionally. Like I said the wait between appointments is hard and this past week I was just filled with fear and the sore belly and just not feeling the greatest did not help. I had some tears throughout the week and Nate gave me a wonderful and reassuring priesthood blessing last night which really helped. Listening to the baby’s heartbeat was the best today and gives me such peace. I think I have been feeling little kicks this week but it is not distinct enough to be sure. The doctor said she could tell the baby was moving around when she was trying to find the heartbeat. She would start to listen and then have to move the Doppler because the little one kept moving around. At one point I got a pretty distinct little kick from the baby since it was being pressed on with the Doppler. It made me feel so happy and grateful inside!

 18 Week Belly

February 4^th- Today was a rough day but ended on a really sweet note. I haven’t had headaches like I did during the first trimester but when I do they take me out for the entire day. I had a really bad one that hovered over my eye when I woke up this morning. It made me so sick to my stomach but I finally got some breakfast in me so I could take some Tylenol. It helped until evening then it returned worse than in the morning. I had a good cry since I am having a hard time with still not feeling the greatest and still being so tired though I am past my first trimester. I got some more Tylenol in me after dinner which helped some but I mostly wanted to record that even on really hard days there was a really sweet moment that happened. I have been feeling the baby move for around 2 weeks now. They are small movements that aren’t too distinct but Paige wanted to see if she could feel and the baby gave her a good strong kick and I loved seeing the happiness and excitement on her face. It was such a sweet moment after a hard day.

  February 17^th- Big ultrasound today and doctor appointment! We get to see whether this new addition is a girl or a boy. Paige had us text all our family and she tallied what everyone’s guesses were. It was pretty even by the end though boy won by a few votes. 

The ultrasound was probably about an hour, so a long one. They were measuring every little piece of this little one and we found out we are having another girl! I kind of figured and assumed that and we are grateful for her and that she gets to join our family. She is one wiggly one. I loved seeing all her movements during the ultrasound. At one point the ultrasound tech was measure the bottom part of her body, and you could see her little face playing peek a boo with us. I love seeing and listening to the heart. There was also another point that we got to see her suck her thumb! It was just the sweetest experience and I loved every minute of it. I was told that she was being pretty stubborn so my next appointment I will have to have another ultrasound to measure and look at some things that the ultrasound tech wasn’t able to get. I then met with the doctor and she said the baby looks great but there were two things they found on the ultrasound. The first one is that I have placenta previa meaning that the placenta at this point is covering my cervix verse at the side or top of my uterus. This would mean a C-section for sure which I was already planning so that didn’t bother me. I would also have to go on strict pelvic rest and I would deliver close to 37 weeks. If there is any spotting at all I need to go in and if things don’t get managed I could go on bed rest. With the placenta there the worse case scenario if there is no monitoring is that you would bleed to death so that is why they deliver early and I will have more monitoring than a normal pregnancy. It is a little scary and it will be super weird to deliver early since I have always gone overdue. The second thing they found was that the umbilical cord has 2 veins instead of 3. Usually the umbilical cord has 2 aortic veins and 1 normal vein. My cord has 1 aortic and 1 normal. My doctor didn’t seem too concerned about this but it is something to be aware of. I did read that the biggest concern is that the umbilical cord develops the same time as the kidneys and the heart so there could be a defect in those 2 things but during the ultrasound they were very thorough in those two areas and everything looks good. My doctor was very reassuring and I trust her with all of this. We will continue to pray for good health for this little one. I was at this point feeling a little more sure that everything would be okay. I have been feeling her move every day and that has been reassuring. This news set me back a little and I feel like I’m holding my breath again until I am able to hold this little one in my arms. It was very exciting to have this news and I had to wait until Paige got home from school. 

Baylor and I dyed some eggs- 3 blue ones and 3 pink ones. 5 of them were hard boiled and 1 was raw (the one that the gender of the baby was). I knew the girls wouldn’t break the eggs on their heads which I is how I originally envisioned it so we got a garbage bag that they could throw the eggs onto. Paige guessed boy and she went first and then Baylor wanted girl and the first egg she picked was the raw one. It happened very quickly and I wish I would have planned it a little more so that Baylor wouldn’t have picked the raw one first since I knew she would pick pink but it turned out fun and we did it at Dale and Margaret’s house so Nona got to find out with the rest of them. 

Dale wasn’t home and he came over later and it was fun to text the family and see their responses. Nate had gotten a gender reveal confetti cannon at the thrift store but we didn’t know if it was pink or blue. So later that evening Nate shot it off to see if it was right and it was blue- we joked how this was the only time he could pretend he was having a boy and he acted so excited. We were all laughing and it was a good day and we are so excited for another little one to join our family.

 March 14^th- I had another ultrasound today to follow up from the last and also had my glucose test today. I drank the glucose right before I went into the doctor since I had the ultrasound and you have to wait until 1 hour after you take it to get your blood drawn. The flavor wasn’t too bad but it was mostly trying to get the last of it down in such a short amount of time that was the hard part. Nate was able to go to the appointment with me! This is the first one he has been able to go with me in person to for years. He got to see how wiggly she is. I love ultrasounds! It is just so sweet to see this life inside of me and to see her movements and listen to her heart. They were able to get the measurements they weren’t able to last time which is good. I then waited for a little bit since it was getting close to my blood draw time. Since my blood draw was time sensitive I got to skip the long line of people and go right in. It wasn’t too bad but I never like blood draws. Then I met with Dr. King this time since I was in Covington since my doctor was all booked when I scheduled it last time. The good news she said was that my placenta had moved and it is now about 4 cm away from my cervix which is great and hopefully it just keeps moving while the baby gets bigger. I still have the 2 cord umbilical cord and so that is something they will continue to monitor. The only concern is that she stops growing meaning that the umbilical cord is no longer doing its job which then the baby would do better not being inside of me. So if everything continues to go as it is then I will deliver around 39 weeks since I am a scheduled C-section. When I was checking out, I scheduled the rest of the appointments for the rest of the pregnancy and it was crazy to think I only have one 4 week appointment gap and then it goes down to every 2 weeks. It is getting to the end which is insane. The first part went by so slow and now it just seems to be racing by. We are so excited to meet this little girl!